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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2005|03:29 pm]
A year ago today, Darrel Lance Abbot was shot and killed by a crazed fan in one of his favorite night clubs while performing. He only had a few more shows with Damage Plan before he was able to end his tour and go home, where he would celebrate Christmas.

RIP Dimebag Darrel
Rock legend
Damage Plan.

<3You will be missed<3
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(no subject) [Dec. 4th, 2005|08:15 pm]
[Backround |Use Your Fist And Not Your Mouth by Marilyn Manson]

You know whats really fun? Being on your period. Whats super fun? Being on your period and not EATING.

I haven't eaten at all today. Can't believe I got away with it. I'm cold and tired and weak and hungry and I feel like CRAP. According to my scale, I'm 115, which isn't exactly correct since I've full of water weight since I'm on my period. Shit, being thin hurts. I had forgotten how much it hurts to have your rib bones sticking out. Fuck.

I wrote a little poem thingy, I'm going to post it in my writing journal once I'm done with this. UGH I FEEL LIKE SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!

Ok. Done. Sorry.

So I've done NOTHING all day. I feel SICK and TIRED and HUNGRY and I want to EAT and SLEEP but I CAN'T.

...Ugh. Kill me now, eh?
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What will be wrong, or right, tomorrow? [Nov. 8th, 2005|01:52 pm]
Stand Up And Admit It



We are man. We fight and squirm against something we know will happen in the end. We feel pain, and we know we are alive. We know, without reasonable doubt, that we will die. No man can stop death, and even slowing it is so painful that when death finally comes you are begging for it, on your knees groveling, though it is your fault. Swiftly or slowly it can strike, and we as man, more stupid then the animals we claim to be above, are ignorant as flies, simply going from one pointless, selfish desire to another, not stopping to think if it could be your last. Humans do not understand the value of life, the beauty in death, the perfect breath we take, we do not understand that it may be our last. Our brains are so small we cannot wrap reasonable thought around the idea, the closest we are coming to is 'God'. Ah, the creator. He has been named many things, but does he really ever change in the eyes of us? God, in any and every form, is simply of our own accordance, bringing the evil hope with it, thinking there is something better, something more, then his rat hole we are living. Do they not understand it is their fault they are here? Do they not get it? Are we, as a race, mankind, so ignorant to believe that something is going to smite us if we are 'wrong', bless us if we are 'right', when right and wrong are simply in our mind. A man stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving family is wrong in your eyes, do you think it is wrong in his? Who defines right and wrong? Surely not God. We. We define it, we shape and form it. Fifty years ago it was wrong for a woman to wear pants to school. Now it is wrong for a woman to wear a short skirt to school, what will be 'wrong' tomorrow?

What will be right?
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(no subject) [Jul. 10th, 2005|10:04 pm]
[My Frickin Feelings That Mean Nothing |goodgood]
[Backround |Passive by A Perfect Circle]

Fasting starts tomorrow, asap. Five day period, might be extended to seven.

Wish me luck
Think thin!
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(no subject) [Jul. 8th, 2005|11:54 pm]
This Journal Is Now Friends Only!
Comment Here if You Want To Be Added!
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(no subject) [Jul. 6th, 2005|02:32 pm]
[My Frickin Feelings That Mean Nothing |tiredtired]
[Backround |A Bullet Named Christ by Wendsday 13]

Hello, my small-minded brothern. How are you all doing this horrificly ugly day? It's been such a long, long time since I've visited this site, hasn't it? Nothing much has happened, really. Clay, my 'father', has been in a nasty mood and hasn't eaten anything but milkshakes, which he considers enough, for two-three days, which isn't healthy but who am I to say what is and isn't right?

Tomorrow I'm probably going to Javonne the perverteds house to hang out for a couple hours, which should be fun. I'll bring my bike, and we'll have a nice four-mile-one-way bike ride to the park on which I might posibly kill myself on.

Today was Clay's last Radiation, tomorrow's his last Chemo. He's got a large radiation burn on his back, and chest, which he says is quite warm and hurts - I couldn't really care less.

Terry's been working on the side a lot, for writing, she's got a book deal with Atticus books for fifteen hundred. Money's not here right now, we've got to pay theifing companys who thrive on money. It's quite sickening, actually, and usually I'm into human-misery but... *shrug*

That's all for now, my pretty little feces, I'll try to get into the habbit of updating more.

In darkness and shadows
Truly yours

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(no subject) [Jun. 22nd, 2005|02:34 pm]
[My Frickin Feelings That Mean Nothing |sicksick]

I make everyone believe I like to be different.....

....But really I just don't know how to fit in....
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(no subject) [Jun. 20th, 2005|11:43 am]
[My Frickin Feelings That Mean Nothing |tiredtired]
[Backround |Judge Judy]

Hiya guys, I'm back!

Ha sorry. Been a while, eh? Our computer had a virus, so I've been computerless for a while. And I tend to not update for a while, and *cough*forgetaboutmylj*Cough*.

Everything's alright around here. My dad's an ass today, but he's been decent recently. Saturday was the first performance of The three little pigs. It was alright, I guess - I, personally, think I messed up and could of done so much better, but Mr. Warren (Rachel's dad) and my mother says I was 'wonderful', so... *shrugs slightly*

My mother has alot of work to do on the side for Elance, but she doesn't seem to be getting to it, which kinda pisses me off, because she needs to start working on it, but whatever, it's her rating.

My dad's been doing really well on Chemo. He'll get real tired for about a day, but thats it. His back has a tan/sunburn-like mark from Radiation, and he says it feels warm, and it's peeling a little, but it's supposed to be normal, because he gets Radiation every day.

Uuuugh my stomach hurts.... uh, sorry... randomness of me.

I've been doing alright. I get my moments when I feel hopeless, worthless, suicidal, all of that, but that's just how I am. I guess I kind of just... accept my major mood swings anymore. They piss me off, which makes me depressed, but eh - life goes on.

I've been feeling an ongo sickness, my throat been hurting, swollen glands, tiredness, sore, runny nose, wattery eyes, it's been going on for a couple weeks, just general sickness. It sucks, but... *shrugs* Nothing I can do about it. Just have to wait until it passes or I die (lol).

I've also been more emotional the past month or so. If I read a real sad story, then I'll be really really sad for the next day or so, because I get so... into the charictor, that I feel the pain, hurt, whatever the person's feeling, you know? Ok, maybe you don't, and I'm weird, but whatever.

I've also been REALLY tired lately, it just kind of washes over me. I've always been tired, like, I never had a lot of energy, but anymore I'm just to the point of after going out somewhere, grocrey shopping or something, that I have to sit and rest for a little while. It's horrible - I hate it. :(

Um.. thats all for now. I'm going to go on quizilla.. *shrugs a little*

Ugh. I feel like crap... sorry again lol...
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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2005|07:55 pm]
[My Frickin Feelings That Mean Nothing |stressedstressed]
[Backround |Deadskin by Crossfade]

I cant do anything right. I'm just one big, huge fuck up, aren't I? What the hell I did I ever do to God, if he is indeed real as everyone tell's me he is, to make him hate me?! Why does he fuck with me so mother fucking much?!?

These are the days I just wanna cut my arms open and see what's in there.

'Answer, yes or no', 'oh yeah, I got in. I was hoping you would, too', 'Why is that?', 'Yeah, maybe then you could get that shit from your floor, then maybe you'd have a room'. WHY CANT I DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!?!?!?!??! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LIKE.... LIKE.... LIKE ME?!?!?!?!? AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I can't act. I can't sing. I can't play anything. I don't do sports. I don't dance. I'm not amazingly good at school. I'm not pretty. I'm not thin.




Thats me - nothing. I am worth nothing. Zip. Ziltch. Nada.

No, scratch that. I am less then nothing. I am what something that is nothing EATS.

And now my mother's on my back, because I don't like - no, I HATE - to use the phone. It freaks me out. It started as something small, just me not liking to call people to talk or hang out. I only made phone calls when called first. Then, I didn't do that. I didn't like calling people back, it freaked me out. Now, I don't take phone calls, I don't make them, and I don't return them. Period. A phone is NOT something that I use. I've got, like.. phone-phobia. Is that a real thing? I gotta look that up... but seriously, I hate using the phone. My mom doesn't get is, so she yells at me. And she yells at me. And she yells at me. Truthfully, between me and my journal, I don't get it either, but it fucking freaks me out to use the phone. So now, she's going to make me use the phone, i e if someone calls, not saying like 'Sorry, she's not here' or something. *sigh* I feel so... worthless. because I am. I am worth nothing.

Scratch that. I've been over this once. I am less then nothing. I am what nothing eats.
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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2005|12:45 pm]
[My Frickin Feelings That Mean Nothing |tiredtired]
[Backround |Imaginary by Evanessence]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the last entry... I was really upset and I didn't mean to offend anyone, or upset anyone.

And I want to see if this thing'll show up... if it doesn't then I fucked up but I found this and it's amazingly... odd.

And I ask you... what the FUCK is that?!? lol...
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